Liberal Lunacy, after hours

Saturday night I had an experience that is worth sharing. After enjoying a lovely, well-balanced dinner (Buffalo wings and cheese fries that could “Farley” your heart quicker than you can say, “Tommy Boy”) a friend and I took in a film at the local theatre. The movie was excellent and spirits were high as we drove back to his humble abode.

Before heading home to my own cozy lair, a lively discourse ensued on the current state of politics in this greatest nation on God’s green earth. Seeing as we both share the same penchant for Conservative values (the ones our country was founded and flourished on), the conversation was comforting to say the least. The primary topic was liberals’ inability to formulate, articulate, and/or explain their ideas, and how they are usually reduced to ad homonym (“Bush is a doo-doo face”) attacks on their opponents.

Funny we should mention this utterly common phenomenon…

As I barreled down Palatine Road back to my home, the radio station AM 890 WLS, caught my ear’s fancy. Due to my medically diagnosed addiction to Talk Radio that is political in nature, I was compelled to invest the next hour and a half of my life in a show that had the same entertainment value the troops in Iraq got when Al Franken offered his “talents” on a USO tour in 2004.

What I heard on my radio dial was the embodiment of ignorance. A man by the name of Nate Clay was hosting a show that literally had no name (a bad sign unless you are Prince) and more importantly, no point. Liberals often opine as to the reasons Conservative talk show hosts are so much more popular, yet often they overlook the deceptively important necessity of talent. Nate Clay was claiming to be the weekend response for Liberals to all those nuts like Sean Hannity (12.5 million listeners each week), Rush Limbaugh (25 million), or Michael Savage (8.5 million). Clay (8 people not in his family) had the on-air presence of my yellow lab puppy, Katie, and the intelligence to boot. I hope he is house broken at least.

Guest after guest called in to share their well thought-out arguments for why President Bush and the Republicans are dummies, which was followed by misplaced praise and adulation from Mr. Clay at every turn. An example? The first guy was from Pakistan, working in our country, and complaining that is was unfair to blame the Pakistani scientists who sold nuclear secrets to North Korea on how to enrich uranium enough to cause an “earthquake”. His reasoning? America aided Israel in obtaining nuclear capabilities (which is the only reason Israel even can continue to exist since they have 9 million people in their country and the Arab world hell-bent on their destruction which completely surrounds them has over half a billion). Convinced? Me too...

Next up, a woman from the North side of Chicago named Janice who had “read on the internet that a group of ‘elite’ businessmen rule the world and keep wars going to keep populations down.” I thought Cindy Sheehan was from the North side of the state of California? Having obviously been far too busy at a rally to rename the schools ethnic un-friendly mascot to attend her Economics 101 course, she forgot that markets need more, not fewer, consumers to thrive. Nate gave this woman almost 20 minutes of on-air time to spew like she was being reimbursed to do so.

This is where yours truly had had enough. I am passionate and un-apologetic about what I believe, but I try to stay away from situations that will only end in heartbreak and heartburn for all parties involved. However, every fiber of my being cried out for logic and reason to be injected into such a frivolous and daft conversation on public airwaves. I think it was the tenth time I heard that, “Bush lied, our boys died” that sent me over the edge. My cell phone was dialed and the ringing from its speakerphone echoed throughout my car before I knew what had happened. A male voice asked me my name, city, and purpose for calling. I stated that I was the man to bring some clarity to the murky waters of unethical journalism/broadcasting taking place on the same radio station that my hero, Rush Limbaugh, imparts his God-given wisdom to us every weekday.

I was promised at 1:35 am that mine would be the next call taken by Nate Clay (not Aiken). At some point during the next ten calls that were taken ahead of me I sent an urgent text message to my friend that I had just left so he could tune in for a piece of radio history. This would be the coming-out party for Robby the Republican, and not the Floridian Congressional kind. I quickly received one back saying that he was all ears.

Now that I had some fans (about the same number as Clay) my brain started filing through the Rolodex of Liberal armor-piercing tidbits and quick-facts. I figured that since the producer told me I’d be on soon that I better be ready to give an account for what it is I believe, as the Good Book says. “Thankfully”, they gave me over an hour and twenty minutes to think things through.

When I was finally brought on the air (as the “cue commercial” music to the show with no name started), I had only a minute to get the Truth out there. A moment of Phil Jackson Zen occurred. A calmer, more thoughtful Robby Moeller started off by complimenting Clay for his willingness to engage in the arena of ideas and thanked him for the opportunity to share my conflicting, and, coincidently, correct views. As Stevie Wonder’s “Living for the City” played in the background, I reminded the listening audience that Bush can only be called a liar if bringing intelligence to the American public that was supplied by our own CIA and the intelligence agencies of nine different ally nations (including France) is considered lying. If it is, then I am content in agreeing. But, since it is not (even Sadaam it turns out thought he had WMD’s), Clay was not only wrong, he was disingenuous at best and a lying fool at worst. After forty-five seconds of graceful oration, and a few attempts at some semblance of a response on Clay’s part, he ended my luminous philibuster with, “But there might be contradictory evidence to some of what you’re…that’s all time we have.” Click.

Oh, no he didn’t! After sitting through nearly two hours of the most painfully ignorant drivel, and being lied to about how soon my national talk radio debut would take place, this is how our boy ends things? I thought Liberals championed free speech and that it was the religious conservatives and Karl Rove minions who stifle debate with the help of almighty Fox News. I thought we Conservatives were corroding free-speech in our country simply for not wanting tax-payers money going to the bank accounts of University of Wisconsin professors who teach that the Holocaust never happened and that 9/11 was planned and condoned by Bush.

Guess a white kid from the suburbs with more enthusiasm than expertise and an opposing view from the previous fourteen disgruntled union workers and coked-out UIC students was too much for Nate Clay to handle. His broadcasting skills and integrity are probably better suited for the likes of Air America. By that I mean bankrupt and off the air.

After recapping with my buddy, who had actually stayed awake long enough to hear my butt-whipping debut that lasted less than a minute, I went to bed with a big smile on my face. The one thing that the host and I could agree on was that I was right and he was scared to take me on. Conservatives CANNOT lose in the arena of ideas. Liberalism is a mental disorder.

Thanks for the big break though, Mr. Clay. We’ll always have those forty-five seconds.

P.S. I’m calling next week at the same time.